The Value Of A Life

A baby boy was born addicted to meth with fetal alcohol syndrome to addicted parents who mercifully gave him up for adoption. I will call him Matthew.

Matthew was fostered, then adopted by a loving family with other biological children. In many ways they did the best they could as he grew up with learning disabilities and mental health struggles.

He was held back and often suspended because of the lingering effects of his prenatal life. To make it worse, Matthew was shunned by classmates because he was “different,” going through his early years in Edmond schools with no connections other than his family and kids like him.
Matthew’s eventual diagnosis was bi-polar. He was put on medication, and he desperately wanted to live a “normal life” with his family.

I met Matthew on a bitterly cold morning in Nov. 2019. He was frantic and needed to use the phone. After purchasing Evoke in Sept. 2019, I quickly became aware of the homeless population in Downtown Edmond because our restrooms (and closest to the CityLink bus main drop off location) are used quite often.

Matthew scared me initially. He was needing to call his dad because he’d missed the bus and had to get to Oklahoma City for a court date. We used my cell phone and as a result I had his dad’s phone number.

Matthew was 22. He’d been off and on the streets since 18 when he no longer qualified for services as he was now considered an adult, leaving his parents few options to get him help. And you could tell, he wanted to be a regular kid.

I only saw him around the downtown area here and there until March 2020 when the pandemic shuttered all the businesses and support services. Matthew made his home with a sleeping bag in the back doorway of Evoke.

I left him care packages, but eventually called his dad who told me Matthew’s story. Matthew has a psychologist and nurse in his family, his parents work hard, and have built a livable shed in their backyard so he has a place to retreat. They leave him clothes, food, and it’s environmentally controlled. But, with them he can get angry. And with the pandemic, they were afraid.

As the world started opening, we offered Matthew a free meal every day, kept him in water, and he would try and give us any amount of change he had found or always volunteered to work. I would find odd jobs for him so he could feel at least the dignity of “earning” what we gave him.
For a time, he got better. He got a job at a fast-food restaurant, moved home with his parents, and would come by looking like the “normal kid” making his way, so proud to buy lunch and visit.
Then, Matthew disappeared.

After six months, I texted his dad afraid of the worst. Matthew did good for a while, “then turned his heart from God.” They hadn’t seen or heard from him in several weeks.

Ironically, I saw Matthew the day before the Supreme Court’s decision on Roe vs Wade. He was rolled up in the outdoor rug sleeping on Evoke’s back patio early that morning. He was the worst I’ve ever seen him. His hair and beard are grown out and extremely matted. He is in near skeletal condition. I could smell him before I got to the patio.

I gently woke Matthew up.

I told him I’d been so worried and was glad to see him.

Matthew assured me everything was fine but wouldn’t bring himself to look at me.

And all I can think as “life” is the focus of a court ruling, political statements, and posts arguing the disgust of “murderers,” when I look at Matthew, is “hypocrites.”

I had been one too for 30 years until life challenged my uneducated, inexperienced, largely sheltered life.

I wonder, what is Matthew’s life worth now to the people celebrating the Supreme Court decision?

His mother had him.
He was adopted.
And he’s still alive.
But what does “valuing life” really mean?

What value do we place as a society, as a country, and a state on Matthew’s life?

Sure, everything I could say about a woman’s choice/rights over her own body is still “debatable” in this highly patriarchal world, but at the core of the discussion is “valuing life.” Matthew is the walking, breathing, living testimony, that the United States of America does NOT value life.

We value a birth. That’s it.

I’ve heard the Matthews of the world discussed in planning meetings, church fellowships, on the floor and in the offices of our State Capitol… “it’s the parents’ fault,” “we don’t want those people around here,” “I raised my kid, they’re not my responsibility,” and fill in the blank with your own experiences.

Matthew is largely seen as a nuisance.

So, now what?

What are we going to do now to help those parents who don’t have the resources, who are struggling with mental health or even homelessness themselves, children who are pregnant as the result of abuse, whose learning disabilities keep them from having necessary skills for a life sustaining job, families living in poverty, families caring for sick parents and still are in their childbearing years, a woman addicted to meth living on the streets who becomes pregnant - to give them hope they have a chance with life?

What about the hundreds of thousands of children lost in foster care systems who a portion will soon be headed to the streets, to crime, to the prison? What is the plan to reverse those trends and value their lives?

As a country, surely, we realize the “responsibility” the courts and politicians force more women to take by having a choice removed from them doesn’t absolve this country from the future that child now faces.

Are we ready to raise taxes to increase funding not just for public education, but wrap around mental health and social services to help at-risk children and families?

Are we going to provide free childcare, diapers, formula, and paid leave from work to care for sick children?

Are we going to make it more difficult for mentally ill men to get their hands on guns capable of killing children and adults in a mass casualty setting?

Are we going to pass laws that immediately begin to force men to pay child support?

Are we ready to sign up to volunteer in droves to fund/build more shelters, serve more meals, provide easier access to healthcare, reimburse people pursuing degrees in education/mental health/social work/healthcare to create a stronger infrastructure for these basic life valuing systems?

The list of what to do next to create a society that truly values a life is endless.

And what is the next step to make sure Matthew, and lives just like his, don’t die alone somewhere like a discarded piece of trash?